John Madden style breakdown of the Subway commercial...

I gotta take the time to break down this stupid commercial...just like John Madden on the telestrator..."Mrr..mah, mer..BOOM...TURDUCKEN!" To enjoy this and get the full experience, please freeze frame as directed.

0:06-Poor bastard. I wouldn't know how to react to this shit, either.

0:08-We can't see the other customers' faces, but Jesus H. Christ, we know they are horrified.

0:10-Baby talking dance grad student...here's your career line, bitch. Seizure inducing human strobe light dancing commences.

0:12-Pole dancing on a dude at Subway..."Any footlong will do for me!!" Also notice the face of nerdy ass girl working behind the counter emo wobbling...saying, "fuck, I don't belong in this commercial." She's definitely the worst dancer and thanks to smart casting, she got stuck behind the counter for this one.

0:14-More human strobe light dancing, this time erratic, separate dance moves now. Bitch in red sweater towards center leaps in the air! Holy shit! Dude next to her...standing on table...definitely making his father proud. Guy in blue at his 5 o'clock does faggerell walk like an Egyptian move.

0:15-More emo wobbling from the bitch who got cut from the dance team.

0:18-Which dude is butt fucking the guy ordering...right or left? Fuck, this poor sap isn't happy about this...at all. All he wanted was a sandwich!

0:20-Guy on the left looks like a live Kermit THE Frog...he wants a cock. Now, poor sap is surrounded by hands...there are hands coming from the bottom of the frame...they are female hands, so you know where their faces are...notice, the clothes on the arms match the two pole dancer girls from 0:12...so, they are in prime service position. Obviously, these are the sluts of the dance team.

Of all the awful things to happen in a Subway, I think being attacked by a ravenous, horny group of dancers is pretty scary when all you want is a sandwich. I do eat at Subway occasionally...and when I do...I'm always...ALWAYS watching my back...