Sexaggerator-I think as young boys hitting puberty, we all have exaggerated how our date went last nite...maybe we invented some scenarios, even stretched a nip feel up the shirt into a double (with the capper). But, at some point, you mature as a man and stop doing that shit...well, the majority of the population does. You still have guy who proclaims loudly on Saturday morning, "Oh...I had this chick, and she did this, this, and this to me...and then we fucked again." Yet, everyone knows it wasn't true b/c your friend saw him at Lowe's last nite looking for hardware or the girl said she didn't go out on the date with him...or we can't seem to find any evidence of a girl...dudes, stop it.
Bum-The weather is nice...and yep, they're everywhere...and with the economy, there should be even more. Dear Bum, my taxes are already paying for your ass...no, I can't spare anymore change.
Drive Faster Guy: Hey, I can live with 5 mph over the speed limit in the passing lane...even 10 mph on the interstate. But when I'm passing someone on I-70 in the left lane and I'm already staring at a hefty ticket and some dude comes flying outta nowhere and gets on my ass, even though I'm only 2 seconds away from getting back in the right lane...it's preposterous! Slow the fuck down...you won't kill yourself, others, and you won't get a ticket!
Epic Olympian Mange Swampy Butt Rot/BO Haven- Dude, we all had health class...and if not, we all had a parent/guardian, or we had common sense enough to clean ourselves. I'm no Seacrest when it comes to hygiene, but fuck...some guys just don't get it! They are everywhere...the gym, the bar, the store, in your home even! Gents, wash up! There's nothing worse than fecal matter coming through your pants and getting on my furniture.
Post Collegiate Frat Boy-College is over! Yes, you're 25-30 now and may still live at home working a part-time job for your parents...but the dream is over...start stimulating the economy and put your degree to work.
Help Me, I'm Fat- This is where I need to straighten up...I annoy myself! I love food and booze and I don't make the time for myself to work out. It's my own fault. I just don't like it, that's all. Well, we all have areas in our lives to improve on, and like many of you reading these and going, "fuck, is that me?", no better time than today to get crackin on it!
Notorious Man Whore-But I have a gf...I'm mature...I cheat on her non-stop and she doesn't know...sooner or later, you're going to bring something home to her and it isn't a gift basket. And you will ruin her life and yours...and the kids' lives, if you have them.
ESPN Certified Sports Nerd-I don't care what stats you know or which analyst you are copycatting...you never played a single sport so how can you have any right to a take?
Power Monger-It's all about you. You are the master of politicking and back stabbing...you will take anything that renders you a tad more authority, even if it is faux.
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