People who own labs...

As part of my effort to give back to the community, I foster dogs for an area pet adoption service. See...I'm not that rotten of a person, after all!

I am pretty experienced with dogs. I used to work as a trainer and dog walker.

But I gotta say, one of my least favorite breeds apparently happens to be the only dog made available to me.

For the second time, I have gone to the shelter to pick up a Labrador.

Temperament wise, these dogs are fine...but seriously, this dog is one of the lamest breed. They come in two types, wild and caustically stupid or severe nausea inducing needy drip.

Unbelievably, both types of dog are incredibly accommodating for our stupid society! How many people ignorantly tolerate their "dumb dog" no matter what he does. Eats the wall, shits on your pillow, barks until he throws up on your rug, eats the trash, eats his own shit, etc. People love it...b/c they are too fucking lazy to take two seconds to correct their animal. "Ahhh...fuck...sorry that he's chewing on your crotch. He's just dumb dog...it's not his fault."

In my opinion, nothing is worse than the needy drip lab. Beat him and abuse him, he will love you irregardless. Leave the room to piss, he will follow you...where ya goin, boss? "Oh please, please, please, please...plllllease don't leave me for two seconds. " Sit down on your couch, he's laying on your feet. Go to work, he will cry for hours after you leave...and once you get home, he won't leave you alone! He is so excited to see you, he won't eat, drink, piss, or shit for at least seven hours b/c he wants nothing more than to spend every waking second with you. Yuck. Now you know why girls hate needy guys so much!! "Ahhh...fuck...oh, look at him. He's licking everyone non-stop. Ohhhh...I'm such a good owner...he loves me sooo much. I'm so good to him. He loves me! He really loves me...and I've done nothing for him to do so...wait, what am I talking about...I have trained him. He can sit! And heel...sometimes. Oh, he just loves everyone, I'm the best owner...blah blah blah."

I'm fine with a dog that loves me...and wants to see me when I come home...but I just don't want something that obsessively allows his world to revolve around me! I mean, fuck...if this is what you want with a dog, America, ya gotta check yourself. All it means is you want stupid, you want a doofus peasant to worship your ego and severe megalomania. Fuck off if you have a lab...

But, just in case ya want one...I have the PERFECT nausea inducing needy kind of lab right here...laying on my feet. He's exhausted b/c he was punished by being crated...as he was horrified to his soul by a hissing Foofen (my miniature cat) and lost his bowels in my bedroom. I can't imagine how big of a dump he'll take if a Yeti breaks into the house. He's tired, b/c he barked for 2 hours straight...struggling to get out of his crate. Lame labs.