In trying to shed weight and I am stunned by my change in attitude...but, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.
Believe it or not, there was a time when I was in stellar shape...maybe even a little narcissistic and I had a bit of a bad attitude and outlook on life.
But when I got fat, I mellowed out. I was less concerned about how I looked and felt. I wasn't so uptight. I wasn't worried about impressing anyone. It honestly helped make me the happy, successful person I am.
Over the years, I've watched friends and peers struggle with weight problems/body issues. I've seen people completely let themselves go and become morbidly obese, but I've seen even more of my peers shape up and their new abs and biceps detracted from their personality and they were just a shell of their old self.
Gone were the smiles, jokes, looseness, unselfishness and in with the selfish self image. I can remember these guys starving themselves, eating nothing but apples and peanut butter sandwiches and working out for 5 hours everyday. Is that really anyway to live? Who am I to debate that...I liked to just sit around and drink beers and eat.
Whether you agree with that lifestyle or not, one thing cannot be ignored. When you become so preoccupied with yourself: you health, your appearance, you attractiveness...part of who you were dies with that plate of stromboli you refuse to eat or that six of beer you no longer enjoy on the weekend. Being a health nutcase is a religion in itself and I caution those who venture down that road...just bc you start shaping up on the outside, the beautiful inner you can easily get dissolved away! Don't believe me? Think about the hottest, most popular girl in high school...how was her personality? Probably smelled like an unwashed elephant grundle.
Back to my quest...wow, I'm getting after it. This is by far the hardest I've worked since retiring from sports. There's a shitload of pressure, believe it or not. My family bugs me all the time for being fat (yes, I'm lucky I wasn't born a girl...I'd have an eating disorder for sure). My friends dig me for being fat. People judge me for being fat. My coworkers judge me for being fat. My fiancee wants me to be skinny again...and I can't blame her...I dunno how I'd feel if she put on 50 lbs in 3 years.
But what she must realize...I'm a busy guy and much of the time that is typically spent with her will now selfishly be spent on me...and losing a significant portion of me. And this has placed a bit of a strain on our relationship, lately.
I'm chippy. I'm rude. I'm taking out a lot of my angst on her. Fuck, I hate working out...but, I feel that she is somehow responsible for some of my weight gain simply bc it correlates since we've been together! Maybe that's an easy way to justify it and even though that's how I chose act, those were my actions that got me to my fatness. So, I am officially owning it. Now, that can't mean that you can get in the way. EVERYONE...steer clear of me. Don't invite me to eat at Golden Corrale. Don't ask me to go drinking. Don't ask me to take a trip to the store with you during my workout time.
To desire to be rocked up, you have to be conceited and it's very hard for someone like me who really doesn't dwell on my physique. Yeah, I'm being a fruitcake and counting calories like a 10th grade girl, and eating Kashi like a fuckin tree hugger, and staying away from pasta and booze. It's sad, bc pasta and booze are a big part of who I am! Literally! And without that, I'm already a different person...and I can't have that back until my fat is gone!
Honestly, the main motivators to get back in shape are these...in this order:
1. I hate not being able to eat and drink what I want. I love having some beers. I love cooking great meals. I like going out to awesome restaurants. Every single time I indulge, I hear about it. I'm fuckin sick of it.
2. I'm tired of talking about how fat I am everynite to my father and every weekend to my grandparents. I'm tired of talking about my fatness to my friends when I haven't seen them in a long time. I'm tired of talking to my coworkers about it. I'm just tired of talking about it, ok...I get the point...I'm still fat and I'm doing the best I can to fix it. Just shut up, already...there is so much more to talk about. You aren't helping. I don't need 500 weight therapists. To lose weight, the fatty has to do it on their own, ok.
3. I want to look good for my wedding...really, I could give a fuck. But, EVERYONE else gives a fuck...so how can I disappoint everyone!?
4. There are other types of favors I want again.
So, I'm getting after it...fighting the battle against my waist, but also within. I don't want to lose my personality...I don't want to be completely different person when I drop this fat. So, really...I have two goals...lose my gut...but keep my personality.
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