Saturday, April 11, 2009

Documenting the Vagassa...


Not everyone is privileged enough to know what a vagassa is, let alone, if you've ever heard of one....or smelled one.

But, unlike bigfoot and martians, I have scientific proof of a vagassa's existence...in my own home! One of my kitties has a vagassa.

Vagassa(n)-A uniform hole that serves as both a rectum and a vagina. Over time, a vagassa is formed by constant obsessive grooming, causing the taint to be completely eroded away and connecting both orifices as one.

There is nothing more hideous than a vagassa. It reeks...it usually finds its way into my face when Bebe wants attention. It smells like rotten kimchi...sickeningly sweet b.o. with a hint of ass matter...not pleasant.

If you ever want to see it in person, come on by my house...I'm sure Bebe will find someway to flaunt it in your face...that is, if you don't smell it first...or maybe, she might put it on you...eek.

We noticed the vagassa forming about two years ago. It did seem to happen almost overnite. An OCD grooming disorder has caused this seething caldera of stank to form. Once, upon a road trip, the Bebe was very intent and aggressive upon getting extra attention. She would not leave me alone. She mounted my seat from just over my left shoulder and like Shaq posting up Greg Oostertaag, she was forcing her vagassa towards my face. She pushed on me with her heavily soiled ass for almost 10 mins before I was able to find a kitty treat and throw it on the floor. It was an awful experience.

The vagassa has been placed on me a few times. The worst encounter I had with the vagassa was when Bebe sat on my arm while I was sleeping. I awakened to her usual high pitched meow, but accompanied with a squishy, slimey, rubbery feelign spot on my armed! I gasped. I then proceded to wash my arm with lysol.

No comments:

Post a Comment