Ace does most things great! He's very nice and loving to us and our kitties. However, I've been around many, many dogs in my day...and I'm afraid Ace ranks up there as one of the lightest in the cranium I've ever been around.
People are pleading with us to keep him. My grandparents want to facheme me upside the head for not keeping him...but, I shall outline the argument for not keeping Ace and finding him a home.
1. Ace is dumb-He just isn't too bright. He listens well, but he is fuckin ADD beyond belief. He is distracted by his own farts or if a blade of grass blows in the wind, or if he sniffs too loud. There is a certain degree of concentration, focus, and intelligence that a beast must have to become my dog.
2. Ace doesn't understand urgency-It's not his fault, I guess. Ace, when I take you outside in the morning to piss, it's usually when I'm running late and I don't have 20 mins to watch you stand, wag your tail, and look at me with a confused look on your face. Dude, you have to go piss. I know your old Daddy would only take you out for random smoke breaks and you guys took your time b/c he was a an unemployed, lazy fuck...but Ace, I work long hours and I don't smoke...so get the fuck out there and piss and shit. He does the same shit when we go outside. I let him through the screen, he turns left, heading towards the driveway (no, Ace...that's not where the yard is). We then go out into the yard...I try to remain hopeful, just praying for a bowel movement...probably one of god's stranger, consistent prayer requests. After about 2 mins of sniffing, I encourage him to go pee pee. He acknowledges me with a stupid face and tail wagging. Then, for the next 15-20 mins, he will continue to walk at a leisurely pace around me in a circle, sniffing the ground nervously...and I have to do a little pirouette. This is the most infuriating part, b/c...dude, it's your only chance...I'm not gonna be home til after 5pm! We often take him out 3-4 times in an hour.
3. Ace needs to be told to eat-What fucking dog needs to learn the command "eat?" Good thing I don't have to tell him to "Breathe, Ace...breathe like a good boy!"
4. Ace doesn't know when to just fuck off-Dude, it's not your fault you were severely neglected, but that doesn't mean that you can gain back all those hours of neglect at once with us. We don't need to hang out constantly, with you in my lap, dripping your smegma coated penis all over my leg. Sometimes, I just want to watch tv, or cuddle with my kitty, or write this blog. It's even worse for my fiancee. He CANNOT leave her alone. He is severely possessive of her. He is constantly seeking her approval, in her face on the chaise. Brutal.
5. Ace has accidents moments after coming inside-After a marathon waiting session outside in the cold over the weekend, waiting for him to do anything besides tie me up with his leash and piss, Ace decided to take a dino dump in my basement minutes after I gave up and brought him in. Today, my fiancee let him out...he actually went! Then he came inside and puked everywhere, literally seconds after being brought in.
Ace needs a family that has little kids...a family that can give him infinite love and attention...something that two young professionals cannot.
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