Ok, so this shit...don't buy it...ever.
If you're reading this, there's a chance that you've come across some hard times and had to purchase some cheap ass soap before. This stuff comes cheap...it smells great...at first.
I first came across Suave Men's Bodywash in college...maybe my Sophomore or Junior year. I used it for a long time and actually enjoyed it. It did the job! I felt like a clean boy.
However, as my life went on, I began to notice a foul smell being emitted from my crotchal area. It was awful...fishy, musty, sweaty, yeasty...it was gross. I thought I had an STD of some kind. I got tested multiple times, several different kinds of tests. Yes, those were unpleasant and my pee hole is now expanded in size, but it was worth the piece of mind.
Having discovered that my weinah was clean as a whistle...still, my stank problem lingered and boy, it was difficult. It ruined my love life...the ladies never mentioned anything, but you knew something was up when new flames would cool off suddenly like an arctic breeze. I couldn't figure it out.
I would clean my genitalia ferociously in the shower...washing it several times. And it seemed that my smell was only getting worse. I thought I had dick cancer and I was about to go see a dermatologist. Yes, me, an intellectual cro-magnon going to a dermatologist.
However, I began dating a certain wise girl who is now my fiancee. I explained my bizarre dilemma! She suggested that it could possibly be harsh perfumes and chemicals in the soap reacting on my dick to create the landfill apocalyptic smell!
It made perfect sense! I mean, the more I'd wash, the greater the stink...yes, it made no sense at all...so I immediately discontinued such use.
This weekend, I discovered that it appears my fiancee's brother has also chosen to depart ways with his suave. He must have left it here the last time he visited home. This kid is a part-time substitute teacher in rural Kentucky...he has no benefits and can hardly afford to put two beans together...and even HE, in these tough times, has choosen to depart ways with this hideous soap!
Whatever you do, don't be allured by the calm packaging, the pleasant smell, the great price point...if you want to have landfill dick and have no chance of meeting some ladies, go buy this soap!
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Almost vomited midway through this post. But there are some you have to avoid, they do nothing. Suave and Dial are two of them
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