Just taking it to V-Day and all the Sheep

Boy…where to begin with this…honestly, one of my most hated holidays, if you can call it that.
My memories of Valentine’s Day begin with young seeds…like remember, it was celebrated as a class in kindergarten and everyone got a valentine from everyone w/o any sexual tension. Wasn’t that ideal and nice! Just another example of our upbringings horrendously preparing us for the reality of life!

By high school, Valentine’s Day could make you sick to your stomach. The couple’s getting after the PDA in the hallways, stupid harlots running around with all the gifts they’d gotten today either from their bf or love interests, goth kids sharpening their compasses ready preparing to flee to the bathroom and begin cutting.

Our high school did something particularly sickening. I think they were trying to be cute or nice, but in reality, if you were single, it only disenfranchised you even more, amplifying your loser status. Some student body cut out little hearts out of construction paper and wrote every boy and girl’s name on each heart….reds for boys, pink for girls. It was then posted on a gigantic bulletin board in the foyer of the school. The idea (I think…I really don’t know what the idea was) was you would go and “select” your valentine. Now, in my opinion, doesn’t this sound scandalous to you! I know someone got punched for “stealing” a dude’s gf’s name! It was unfortunate that I had major social interaction issues in high school, as my parents did a great job of raising me to be a hermit. I was pretty bad with the girls…just too shy. I eventually got girls, but it took some time away to learn the art. It has to be learned and it takes practice…and trial and error…lots of error.

Well, no matter what, I refused to take part in such a heinous display. It was awful. By about second bell, all the losers, misfits, retarded, and normal single people were still on the wall. By lunch, your name might get snatched up by an admirer. By the end of the day, it was hopeless and a lot of bleeding heart kind girls would take all the hearts down so that no one felt bad. My heart got taken down a couple of times! If you’re reading this, person who took my heart down, we’d love a contribution to Mragh.

In my junior year of high school, my gf at the time and I were nominated as second cutest couple in the school! No, neither one of us entered ourselves…it was done by friends. Apparently, there was a time where I was cute. If anyone can remember that time, please, we’d like you to contribute to Mragh.
Into more advanced stages of life (aka college), where relationships are fluid and completely go against the grain of societal norms, Valentine’s Day was a Meh. Usually, at my frat house, we’d have an anti-love party/fuckfest. Well, it sure beat the hell outta finding a girl last minute and getting her a Vermont Teddy Bear! Holy fucklepuss, batman!

Now, as an engaged adult…we don’t celebrate the day. Why? As enlightened people, do we need to designate a day to treat our lover? You should treat them well, almost to the extent of worship, everyday! Love is a commitment, not just a fuckin dinner date, box of chocolates, a helzberg diamond bc those emasculating commercials inspired you, and then hopefully, just maybe…you might get a fuck.

Valentine’s Day promotes the chauvinistic male provider, female bend over theory of the past. ..the whole relationship and command struggle…john and prostitute…I will trade you a box of chocolates for a bj…I mean, c’mon! Now, do I still believe the male should be a provider…well, as a man…ya gotta bring something to the table to be a winner! I’m shocked by how many commercials promote this idea…”get our product for Valentine’s Day, have a great Valentine’s nite!!!!” Holy shit…how filthy do they want women to feel? If I was a woman who heard that shit, I’d be offended. Why is this all a good idea? If you take the respectful, harmonious route and be sure to treat your significant other GREAT everyday, 60% of marriages wouldn’t end in divorce!

If you wanna be enlightened, don’t participate in this holiday for insecure sheep! Shit, I can hear the baying!! It’s everywhere! Looks like I’m gonna have to get carry out or cook tonite…thanks, sheep.

BAHHHH. BAHHHHH. BAAHHHHHHHHHHH.