So, after you get drunk with your drinking buddy college friends for the last time, and after you go out to Carrabba's with your parents for your celebratory graduation dinner...and then they kiss you goodbye...let me be the first to say...welcome.
Hopefully, you're set up and you're going back home to work for Daddy's business or Daddy's friend's business. Hopefully, you have something lined up for the short term or shit, even an awful entry-level position will do these days....fuck, even a waiting job...I hope you do...b/c it's a bear out here...it really is. Maybe you'll move to LA and pursue that acting wet dream...now as irresponsible and reckless as that may seem to your parents...tell them to suck on some stones...to pursue a dream like that, there's absolutely no better time than now to do it...there's very little opportunity right now...so why the fuck not??? You're going to probably end up short-term being a barista or waiter anyways!! If ya got dreams, go after 'em! Hopefully, your parents will continue to fund you. Hey, for many of you...it won't be soooo bad...it will continue like it did in college...which was an extension of high school...it will be as if things never ended! And your parents will continue to pay your way until you die!
There's nothing you could have done in college to prepare for this reality...it was all lies....there was not a single truth that you learned along the way...and this is coming from someone who supposedly "made" it. I make $50 g, I've got a house, cars, 5 pets, a rock band, and I'm getting married in a few months. I've done pretty well for myself...and ask anyone...I was a FUCKING MESS when I graduated! If you got a useful degree, you're more than halfway there...but it will be useless if you are a social outcast. if you got a useless degree like me, I hope you can talk/communicate with people...and I hope you can get people to like you (networking).
Welcome to bills, to massive responsibility, to the worst economy since the Carter Administration, to taxes (the day you will realize that your profs you agreed with who professed liberal diatribe were wrong, especially with their 15 hr work weeks). Welcome to debt out the ass...serious mutha fuckin debt, to mac'n'cheese EVERY nite, to a new wardrobe that you can't afford for your new job (go to goodwill or redtagcrazy.com), to bosses, to your bosses bosses, to a shithole apartment in a bad part of town with too many sketchy and annoying roommates, to several moves by yourself and a U-haul (enjoy loading that fuck/beer stained couch you stole from the quad dumpster by yourself). Welcome to 40, 50, 80 hour work weeks, to overpriced rent, to inefficient houses so your energy costs are out the ass, welcome to kicking that drinking and/or drug habit you picked up (don't worry, it won't last...even that $10 case of Nati, $15 bar bill, and dime bag of $30 shwag will be out of reach...unless you really are stupid, at which point you will figure that out...if the 85 yr old greeters at walmart don't cause something to click in your head...I mean, you will hopefully make the right decision...rent or drank? hmmm). Welcome to the end of "free sex" (I mean, you may hit it lucky once a month, but it will never be like college!) so I hope you remembered how dating worked in high school (and now the women have even more expensive tastes!!!), welcome to working two jobs, to working weekends, to fitting your professional, personal, social, recreational, and sleep life into a 24 hr day...into a 168 hr week, welcome to 6 hrs max of sleep a nite and performing at the highest level, welcome to never skipping class/responsibility again!, to no more summer vacation (unless you're a slacker teacher...lucky fucks! And no, I didn't vote for your raise on that last levy! You only work 40 hr weeks and have summers off and more vacation than striking French postal workers! MRAGH!). Welcome to craigslist, to making careerbuilder.com you homepage as you feel like a filthy whore as you are constantly looking to upgrade from that shitty entry-level position you have, welcome to 100 resumes a week, to real life...bitch.
I have been asked by the wise graduates and soon to be graduates...what is it most that you miss from college?
There are quite a few luxuries I miss...but if I had to pick one, it would probably have to be the time. I played varsity sports, took 20 hrs of class, was "involved" with my frat/social scene, and even picked up a part-time job in my last year...and I thought I was busy! Nope...wrrrong...rack me on that one...you will wonder where all your time went. I promise you, don't be surprised if you cut your fantasy sports habit or if you play video games less than 30 hrs a week...the time is coming!
So get ready...life isn't fair and it's not all unicorns and scratch'n'sniff smell good stickers...open dat ass reallllly wide.
Now, enough of that doom and gloom...how did I make it?
Be relentless. Spit in the face of your detractors...trust yourself that the responsible decisions you are making are the right ones! Let everyone else sleep in...they've either fallen ass over end into a good situation or their ass is already pre-lubed.
Apply everywhere...and to anything. If it pays $30 gs, go for it!
Shut no door on yourself...let the person of authority make the decision (that's their job). I had 2 yrs less work experience than my job required, minimal retail experience, and beat out 320 candidates for my position (were you one of 'em, bitch?) If you don't think you may be qualified, apply anyways!
Pump out 100 plus resumes a week. Sounds bad, but with all the jobs sites...this is cake...all it takes is some hard work!
Stay unsatisfied...you will be miserable, but you will get what you need out of life in both the short and long term.
Accept the hand you have been dealt and make the most of it. This is the one I struggle with. I have lived a life of many...and I mean many "ifs." A lot of things will not go your way. Find a way to deal with them...I chose to drink initially and complain about how I got screwed...not the best way. Now, I still complain and think what If?...but I have found other ways to cope...by staying busy!
Know that you will get your head above water. No matter how bad it will get, even if you have to strip or work two jobs for 5 yrs....one day, if you are doing the right things and working your ass off...you will make it in this world...this is America...no matter how shitty we all think it is, there are people making homemade rafts and crossing the ocean and FUCKIN DYING to get here...they are stowing away on oil ships...they are crossing deserts...no, mutha fucker...there is no better place to build a life than here...even with the past 3 idiots in the white house
I guess what I have found out about the American Dream...whatever yours is...you may not get there...you may not get close...it's only b/c we are conceited and have too great of expectations...if you do the right things and work hard, you will be rewarded. You will find some kind of wealth, love, little house in the suburbs with an alright looking wife and kids, etc.
So, grads...get out there...make me proud! If you hated the malaise of college, all the useless bullshit you had to learn, and you are excited about getting paid to do work instead of paying for work...you might do well for yourself!
Do you have to wear a tie to work?
ReplyDelete