Douchebags and My Mail

Today I encountered a dilemma I've never expected to encounter. It has infuriated me to such an extent that I am seriously on the verge of committing a serious crime.

A few weeks ago I ordered a handmade dress to wear for rehearsal dinner for the wedding. It was cheaper than almost anything that can be bought, it had the cutest fabric, and was going to actually fit my body. I was so excited about this dress. It got shipped last week. Somehow, the seamstress of said item only had my old address, and shipped it to such through the post office. I had all my mail forwarded by the post office about 3 months ago. Today, I couldn't stand it any longer and contacted the seamstress to find out where my dress was. She said she had delivery confirmation from May 30. Then informed me it was at the old address. I took a quick drive over there and knocked on the door. No answer. I rang the doorbell. No answer. I could clearly see the guy's car and could hear him moving around, but he was not answering the door. Pissed. I call the landlord and let them know the situation.
As I'm pulling out of the parking lot, I see him come outside, only wearing his underwear. I said the boy to talk to him and he claims he's never seen any packages for us. He goes in. I make the boy knock on the neighbor's door to see if this is true. Neighbor informs us he has seen a few packages for us and assumed they got passed on to us. This is the first we've heard of it. He knocks on the guy's door and he then tells us that "oh yeah, I got a package and it only had a crapload of coupons in it." So not only did you keep a box of ours and not tell anyone, but you OPENED IT?!?!?! WTF?!??!?!?!?!?!?!
At this point, livid is an understatement. We hightail it home and I call the police, who direct me to the prosecutor's office. Complaint filed. I called the post office and I'm meeting with them tomorrow, as the package should have been forwarded. Besides the point in the scheme of things.

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO OPEN AND KEEP SOMEONE ELSE'S PACKAGES AND/OR MAIL???? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE??? YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY PISSED OFF SOMEONE WHO CAN NOW MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL AND I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, BECAUSE THE WORST IS YET TO COME.

No...no towels please...just get out of here...

I suppose this is an old running joke...cleaning ladies who barge in on you.

Well, it happened to me today. Got back to the hotel from a corporate outing around 3. Took off the clothes to the underwear and tshirt and got on the phone to the wifey. When I talk on the phone, I pace. I also had an itch. I'm in my own suite. I entered the hanes boxer briefs with my left hand and began vigorously relieving the itch on my dick. Of course, Somali cleaning lady is in my doorway talking to me.

"Housekeeping?"
"No, I'm fine."
"Soap, conditioner?"
"No." (Still scratching away, in my undies.)
"Towels????"

This woman clearly isn't leaving. 10 seconds have gone by now. Still in my undies and a tshirt, scratching at that fuckin itch.

Rarely am I rude to people. Very, very rarely. Also, I have an anger problem and yell and scream a lot, but when I'm boiling point angry, I speak very softly.

"Lady, no towels please...just...just get out of here. I'm busy."

I understand there is a cultural void here, but my culture of taking out an itch in my undies in my suite is being violated here and that's not right.

Carpooling to/in Ctown...

On business in Cleveland. Things would be much better if I didn't have to drive, but my coworker in the territory next to mine has a van, which is ideal for carpooling. The company is always looking to save money, so by driving up to Ctown together, plus for social events, the van comes in handy to scoot everyone around.

If we can get there in one piece.

Unfortunately, my coworker, who I love to death and is one of the most god fearing men alive, happens to be one of those horrible central Ohio drivers. We have been beeped at at least 10-15 times on the way up and out and about Ctown. It is frightening. Merging into other cars, cutting people off, going 35 in the left lane on the highway...we are doing it all...and I'm riding shotgun giving directions via my TomTom, since he doesn't know how to use it.

I hope to be home tomorrow in one piece.

Wahhhh...I miss you...Daddy, send more money

If only life was this hard....go to college overseas...be in love...not have enough time with your significant other, only b/c you have the luxury of traveling EVERYWHERE for free.

Charity 5k...on a scooter....

I'm all about coming out for a community event. A charity 5k is honorable, except when it's ruined by people. You have the local runner's club...the crush everyone. But this past weekend, I saw a first. Behemoth bitch running (what do you call it???) the 5k...on a scooter. Unbelievable. She had a runner's number and everything. She was getting in everyone's way. She was even getting tired from operating the scooter and had to take a 30 second break. Awesome.

Brutal Commercial Time...Again....

Ok, can't help this one. Awful song, awful acting, awful dancing (wow, let's set white folk back several million years and play on that stereo type...oh, but that's ok), awful product (heineken=rolling rock...might as well be Wester PA deer piss) awful casting...it's very quick (aka, much easier to see on a 46 inch HDTV). Notice the singing driver at 0:20. He clearly makes the commercial. Great, raspy, Louis Armstrong voice. However, this guy was not capable of driving the car. At 0:24, there is a much younger, thinner driver. So awfully noticeable, I thought I'd mragh.

Product Rave...

Every now and then, I am compelled to rave about a product that I simply adore.

Awhile back, I went on here dissing LaCrosse brand nail clippers. I have found its opposite. The Trim brand nail clippers are the best nail clippers on the planet.

Of course, you will spend a couple more bucks on them...but fuck, how often do you use a fucking nail clipper? Yeah, seriously...like all the fuckin time! Buy this shit.

First off, blades are sharp as fuck, combine that with a concise and powerful lever action that allows you to use minimum force to chop through even my 1/8 inch toenails (revolting).

It also has a catch pan built in along the sides and underneath the blade. This catches a few of those pesky stray nails that are so often dropped with mortal nail clippers (and then you discover them like 2 weeks later when it goes through your foot).